Some years back, I attended Marylhurst University and received my degree in Human Studies. Many of the classes I had the honor of taking, awoke an inner dialog that was rich and full. As the years past, even though the voices were never quiet they began to fade into more whispers. Over this past year, as I have concentrated on building Mama Jean’s into a viable working model, one that can support me full time, I have also been longing to reawaken the voices and continue the work I feel calling me. Recently I’ve had the opportunity to attend a Shamanic Journeying Class focusing on Writing our own creation myth. My mind and heart feel as if they have exploded into an awakening. But as with any awakening, comes the awareness of dawning of all the shadows we have. The lingering work we still need to touch and work through.
Sewing endless hours in a day allows for the mind to wonder to and fro or linger in places that allow for creating a new way of honoring the voices that call out to be heard. I find the act of sewing and especially the act of quilting the quilt becomes a very Zen time. A time to release, breathe and contemplate life in all its wonder.
Yesterday I saw a car hit a small squirrel and as I started to drive by realized it was still alive. So I stopped to remove it from the road. Earlier in the month I had the exact same situation happen. I also stopped and placed the dying squirrel back into the park he was from under a lovely tree. I lifted up his wee spirit and said a prayer over him as gentle tears streamed down my face. This time, the level of emotional outpouring was almost overwhelming. I was at first confused and distressed. Why was this coming into my life, not once but twice? Why was I here a second time? What message was I not hearing or giving enough attention to? What have I done wrong? In reality I hadn’t done anything wrong. Things happen in and around us everyday that we may or may not be aware of but when or attention is caught I believe it’s important to try and understand. I contacted a friend who helped me just allow the feelings to flow and to help me process it in the moment but later I spent some time meditating on the whole experience and all the experiences that had been bubbling all month. In refection, these are the words I shared with the friend who had helped me in the moment.
I lit a small candle for the wee one and made a cup of tea and sat in the sun for a time allowing the emotions to wash over me and through me. I forgot the intensity of spirit. As I feel the need to once again walk in the ways of the intuitive seer and I feel her presence more and more each day I am reminded that big work requires heart. My heart is pouring out opening up and allowing for new to grow in a way that I would have never foreseen. I am not asking for this cup to pass from me. This wee little spirit with a heart of gold allowed me the opportunity to reflect on it's beauty and wonder and joy it experienced each day of it's little life. How it lived fully each day, not hiding from the road or the dangers but boldly living and in living with pure intent no hidden agendas, no shadows of things long past, no worries of what may come. I too want to live freely experience all that life has for me. Does it mean my heart will feel deeply, I pray so, does it mean that I will love deeper than I've ever love, may this too be so, will I know pain, only in knowing can I appreciate the life that I have to experience it in the first place, May spirit always be near to remind me of the worlds that are all connected and traveling here and there is just a part of life that will forever be richer for the knowing. May I be open to seeing all those in my life and how I can honor them each day in thought and deed. Tender is my world and I always want it to be so.As I reflect upon these words again I am reminded that I not only want this in my personal life, I want to reflect this in Mama Jean’s. I want to live with open heart and mind, and embrace the every day moments that occur and how privileged I am to be experiencing them each day. The days when I feel like for every seam I put in I tear out two, the days when it hums like a fine tuned car, or the times when the sound of my sewing machine reminds me of a song and I find myself singing and laughing as I sew. Or, how amazing and incredible it still is that each day I wake, I get to choose to do something I love and hopefully in the doing, share the magic I feel when creating a quilt for someone. So like my sweet little squirrel friends, I want to never be afraid of the road or the dangers but boldly living and in living with pure intent no hidden agendas, no shadows of things long past, no worries of what may come. I too want to live freely experience all that life has for me.