Sunday, December 15, 2013

Midnight Thoughts

Late nights, you either love them or hate it.  I don’t think there is much in between.  You are either a person who loves to see the waking of the day.  The sun as it streams up over the city, the sound of the birds as they start to wake the rest of the world.  The whirling magical hum of the night is slowly drowned out by the hum of people, cars and things that go bump in the day.  It doesn’t mean the whirling magic is gone, just so hard to hear with all the clatter and chatter. 
The day carries on with every mechanical zip and zap you can imagine, and some you haven’t even thought of.  People get louder too.  Maybe because they can’t here themselves above the clatter, maybe because they are overwhelmed with the amount of noise they are surrounded with, never a moments rest, cars, phones, computers people all trying to be heard it just becomes a buzz, like the ringing you sometimes get in your ear and no matter what you try, it just won’t go away. 
The sun begins to set and some take the time to stop and watch the fading and to take a deep breath, maybe the first of the day.  The air cools the graying of the sky begins and the night creeps in oh so slowly.  The daily rush is over, people are home and the roads begin to empty of the hundreds of cars and trucks, computers by the thousands are down, even though thousands are on as people try to connect with others.  The roads are never really empty, the night has an entire world of people who’s nights are their days and they are striving to find their connection with the magical whirling hum too.

The animals for the most part are sleeping except those who thrive in the night as it’s home to them.  City lights glow all across the city as the night continues to move in filling up the corners and softening edges everywhere.  The whirling magical hum that never scenes begins to fill the air again.  The daily grind begins to falter and the small remnants of star dreams begin to flicker and fill the air touching all things and everyone.  Some are never aware of their magic, others speak of this one special time they thought they felt something, others speak of the times and long for more, and some are touched each and every night.  Small miracles of magic filling them with thoughts of love and life. So overwhelmed with the sheer magnitude of its beauty, no words could describe the feelings, and they tilt their heads upward as magic gently caresses them.   They linger in the night embracing each moment longing for the dawn to never come.
The trick it seems is to be able to hear the whirling magical hum no matter the time of day or night.  Yes, in the day the sounds of the ordinary can overwhelm us, but the voices of the night that we fill our heads with can drown out the magic as well.  All the feelings of inadequacy, lounging, loneliness, swirling around in our brains drowns out the magic we were gifted with if only we would hear and listen for the whirling magical hum.
 I have found myself guilty of just such moments when the old records begin to play telling me the lies I’ve learned to trust start to fill the air.  You are never good enough, you’ve done something wrong, you will never be loved, and you are not going to ever be successful.  Sound familiar?  Have a few of those old records hanging around?  I have been on a quest for some years now to find new music for my heart and soul.  To find new songs to sing all the time, not just in the quiet of the night or the break of day, but each time my eyes and ears and soul are listening.  Some days are really quiet remarkable and I drifted off knowing that this song is worthy of singing.   Other days, I have to pick up the chorus over and over, but the song, the song is still there and I will continue to sing it.  Old records are just shadows of sound I use to know by heart, now, now my new song fills me. Like the magic that washes over me in the deep of night it too comes and goes but I know now, it’s always just a note away.  

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